The Moral Force of Women

Sometimes I watch General Conference talks for my scripture study. And when I do, sometimes I read the talk along with the speaker.

Today I watched and read along with Elder D. Todd Christofferson's talk The Moral Force of Women from October 2013 General Conference. In it, he praises women for their contributions in many aspects of our society, including the workplace. He teaches truths such as how women have divine gifts such as "faith, courage, empathy and refinement in relationships in cultures."

He gave examples of women who provide excellent service and are great examples of what women can do for society and especially for their families and others they are close to. One of the women he spoke of is his grandma, Adena Warnick Swenson. She taught him about priesthood service and encouraged him to memorize the sacramental prayers. He mentioned that she never learned how to drive, knew how to help boys become priesthood men.

One of his emphases was on the dual standard of morality where men were exempt from being moral citizens while women were taught to be chaste and virtuous. Instead of overcoming this low standard by having men live up to the ideal of morality, women have adopted the double standard themselves. The result has been a growing number of fatherless families and growing poverty.

Here's one of my favorite parts.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell once asked: “When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?"

Elder Christofferson tells that there are some who belittle "the mommy track" as a career, but we should praise and appreciate any worthy endeavor or career because we all benefit from the good that comes from these lofty achievements.

And I really like this part.

Former Young Women general president Margaret D. Nadauld taught: “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” In blurring feminine and masculine differences, we lose the distinct, complementary gifts of women and men that together produce a greater whole.

In a world that seeks to give every person every opportunity to pursue every whim and desire, may we stand for what is right and be a beacon that leads others to their Savior, and ours. Let us encourage each other in every endeavor that builds and lifts one another and our society as a whole.

Feeling the Spirit of Christ-mas

At this Christmas season, it is extra awesome to me to speak of Christ and rejoice in Christ and hear others doing the same so often. I love the sincere "Merry Christmas"es that have been given to me this week and especially today in church by friends I've made here over the past couple months.

This month in our family, we have had each lesson of Family Night centered around the symbols and events of the Savior's birth. I'm not sure I remember which topics we spoke of each week, but our lessons have been on Luke 2, angels visiting the earth (and we always remember that angels' first words to those they visit are, "fear not"), the shepherds, the wise men, the star, ornaments, green, white, lights, etc. All the good stuff. Today I remembered at lunch that we didn't talk about the color red so I brought it up and one of my kids said it reminds us of Jesus' blood. Excellent answer. It's what I thought of too, but I don't remember really talking about that symbol each Christmas season.

Today our lesson in elders quorum was on receiving patriarchal blessings and living by them as our personal scriptures. The room was filled with a thick sense of the Spirit. I love my patriarchal blessing and I read it often. Sometimes every few months, sometimes more often. Our teacher today told us that he hasn't received his blessing yet and he is going to get it now. He's thought about it for a long time and with this lesson he decided it was time. He also said that (one of) the presenter(s) in our Christmas program in sacrament meeting today is our stake patriarch. "One more thing about me getting my patriarchal blessing," he said. The brethren who participated were excited and felt blessed to have received their patriarchal blessings. One quorum member said his dad got called as a patriarch about ten years ago. I shared my experience of fasting with my patriarch before receiving my blessing. The Spirit was so strong. Feeling the Spirit is the best feeling ever and it tells me I'm doing the right things in life. Here's the General Conference talk our lesson focused on: President Monson, Oct 1986 General Conference.

This Christmas season has passed by very quickly with our moving into a new home and the associated busy-ness. We are buying a few presents for each other (Angie and I) and we are getting a few things for our boys. It's a very non-commercial kind of Christmas, something we have strived for in years past and are getting better at it. My feeling that is we save for the things that we want and Christmas is a time to try to find something that we want someone else to buy. I'm feeling more than a little wasteful about it. But this is our best year so far. I feel really good about that.

PS - it's snowing outside. It's the kind of slow, gentle snow that makes me feel like it's Christmastime. Much better than the driven, sideways snow that takes my mind off Christmas and turns it to survival mode.

Life is better living the truths in the scriptures

Yikes, my last two posts were in September and January. I have not been consistent in writing since last year. This has been partly by choice and partly because of a lot of busy things going on this last year. Let's see where this post takes us (or me).

Ya, that's right. About a year ago I thought I was going to graduate, get a job and move. It turns out that I didn't graduate, got turned down for job interviews because of it and had no reason to move. There were a whole bunch of our friend who moved out of the ward at that time and we wanted to be a part of it. There was a mass exodus of friends that moved into this ward (branch at the time) and we wanted to ride the momentum and head out of here on a wave of excitement.

Heavenly Father has other plans for us. I actually think he has different plans for Angie, but I'll tell you the plans that I think He has for me.

I have learned to slow down a lot. Not all the way. But I am able to consciously slow down about all the things I think about and pack into my schedule. It turns out that the reason I'm so busy is because...drum roll, please...I fill up my schedule with stuff!

Man, how silly is that. I was so close to the problem I couldn't even see it. My stress levels have risen over the past several years and got to the point months ago that I thought I was going to pop. I'll just say that I was very tense, almost like I was in a fight or flight situation with every little thing in my life, every thing I thought about. There was no danger, just the perception that I had to accomplish a lot in a short time. The more I worked through, the more I pressed on to do more. Did I slow down to appreciate the accomplishments?

Nope. Big mistake.

Aren't I supposed to enjoy the journey and enjoy the accomplishments? Yes, yes, yes! But I didn't. I couldn't in that state of mind. I pushed to get done, thinking I'd feel better when my load was lighter.

One of the many scriptures that has brought me to this realization is 2 Ne 2:25, which says

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

And, of course, my friend King Benjamin's wisdom in Mosiah 4:27, which teaches me that

27 ...it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.

The Lord is blessing me through the truths in the scriptures and the whisperings of the Spirit. I have been practicing turning off my Go, Go, Go habit and playing more with my kids or actually sitting around and doing nothing. 

This week I read a nice article about productivity on LinkedIn by Ilya Pozin. It's really about unproductivity. Thing #1 hits the nail on the head - put less on the To Do list and get more things done. It's not about the amount of things you check off your "list", but what is actually accomplished. And I'm not even talking about work here. I'm talking about life in general. Life needs to be worth living and that means enjoying the journey as we were meant To Do by our Creator.

I'm becoming better off by living the truths in these scriptures.

Yes!

Family Search and Indexing

A few weeks ago I was visiting family and went to church in their ward. Our lesson in priesthood meeting wasn't from Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, but was a special lesson about indexing  on FamilySearch.org.

I've done some indexing before and I thought it was a lot of fun. Angie got into it too and she did even more than I did. I was about to say, "I don't remember why I stopped indexing," but then remembered why. The records that were available to download were so hard to read that I couldn't contribute. I'd download a batch and try to decipher some names, but couldn't do much. There were some Brazilian census records back then so I thought it would be awesome to give those a shot. I served a mission in Brazil so I knew I'd recognize some names. Well, it happened to be the same story. I could read some, couldn't read others. So I stopped.

Lots of time has past - probably a year and a half or two years. I never checked the indexing database in the meantime for legible records. After this lesson a few weeks ago I got really interested again. The demo that day was of some really legible documents so I came home, loaded the software on my laptop and away I went.

The first projects that I saw on there were census records from the 1800s as well as passenger records. The census records were from New York. I think they were only from 1865, but there may have been other years. I thought it was kinda funny that the census was on a non-decadal year and how we got on a different track than that. Just a curiosity, but I like thinking about that kind of stuff.

The census records usually have a whooooooooole bunch of people on them. It feels like it takes forever to index names like that if I base it on how often I finish and upload batches. That's not the real goal here, it's the overall project. But there is a certain satisfaction that comes from finishing something, uploading it and downloading another.

The passenger records were quite different. Lots of them only have a single name on them. Talk about simple! Some of the passengers' gender was recorded with just a check mark! Ha! I loved thinking about who these people were, why they were leaving Europe (some Prussia and Bavaria) to come to America (mostly New York and Baltimore). Were they seeking a land of new opportunity? Catching up with family? I don't know, but I'd love to find out. It's so fascinating!

Ah, I just remembered that I also got some records of servicemen joining the military to fight in the Spanish War. Crazy daisy! Joining the military makes me nervous so I was a little nervous for them.

I don't know how many people around the world are helping with this indexing project, but I know it's a lot. Have you helped?

Conference is in the air

The first weekend in October is coming! What an awesome time of year this is. I think I subconsciously associate General Conference with the chilly morning air of September. It's an awesome time of year for a few reasons like no more summer heat, trees change colors (well, lots of trees in this area just go to sleep, but stay green), and the dark mornings will soon brighten with the end of Daylight Savings. All cool stuff.

Of course, I've been waiting for 6 months for General Conference. Ever since the last amen by President Monson in the Sunday afternoon session in April I have looked forward to October. And for 6 months I have read conference talks and have lessons on them in sacrament meeting talks and in elders quorum meetings. I also listen to talks in my car on my way to school. There were tons of awesome talks last conference and I'm re-reading some of them now and loving them. You know what's funny? I notice a big difference in how I feel when I read talks for my morning scripture study compared to when I hear them in the car. The Spirit is stronger when I read. It's probably because it's quieter and because I'm not distracted by details of driving.

This last week or so, I read and heard some really cool talks. When I really concentrate on them, I feel the Lord reaching down from heaven and filling my mind with directions for all aspects of my life. He helps me in my research, especially when I'm stuck on something. He helps me be a loving and kind husband. He helps me see how to teach my kids the gospel so they will be happy, both in our home now and for the rest of their lives.

The most important part of listening to conference talks, of course, is to feel and recognize the Spirit and learn how to become like our Savior, Jesus Christ. There is a tasty side to General Conference for our family. You may remember that we make peanut butter popcorn! T&L, if you're watching, thanks again for that recipe. :)

We have started talking with our boys about conference weekend. This helps us to look forward to it and also to settle down and prepare our minds for the weekend. It's like a marathon mixed with a fire hose. It really takes a few months to digest all the talks properly. And I'm thinking now about ways I can adjust my scripture study to make it for efficacious. This time I want to read through all the talks and mark them up. When I've done this in the past, I get more out of them when I hear them in the car. It doesn't go the other way for me.

Last night Angie brought up taking notes as she was heading to the Relief Society session of General Conference. It is something I used to do a lot more than I do now. I was on the extreme end in my younger years, to the point that only be able to summarize the talk and the stories therein and miss the real meaning or the principles that the Lord would have me learn right then. Now I'm on the other extreme and I hardly take any notes. Today at church, my friend JO said (and if it wasn't him, it was someone else in our joined meeting) that he takes notes just so he can pay attention. The debate for Angie and me is whether or not it actually helps because we don't go back and read the notes! I know that taking a few notes will keep my mind on the talks so that's a good reason for doing it. The times I take notes on what impressions come to me are the times I take away a really important theme for me to work on. It's really important to me and I love working on things and improving myself.

Maybe taking notes like that works for you too. If you'd like to share your thoughts on how you take notes, please do. As for me, I'll have out my little notebook and watch and listen for the Lord's direction in my life.

And eat some peanut butter popcorn.

Stop it!

I've had an amazing and shocking experience since Brigham was born. My struggle with sanity and parenting for the past several years has become the norm (unfortunately) and the birth of my third son has been a big wake up call in how I deal with "problems" that I face on a daily basis.

For you parents out there who have more than one child and, for better contrast, with several years in between any two kids, this should make a lot of sense. Our lives turned to bliss when Brigham was born. Even the energetic older kids pushed the pause button on the ludicrous speed. I would look at Briggie and think, "Wow, I love you so much. Why do I love you so much? I don't know, but I do know you haven't done anything to make me mad."

A few days or weeks after the novelty of our newest birth wore off, we got back to normal. And I mean the normal that I've been trying to turn into happy times with less success than I hoped for. The short of it is this. The all-too-common complaining and bickering spurts would raise my temperature and then I'd look at the new baby who has never yelled at me and my feelings would abruptly change. Yes, that was a good feeling. I'm not complaining about that for even a (milli)second. The shock was that I have the difficult times and deal with those circumstances with such negative emotion.

It's really sad to me to think that I don't handle life and challenges better than that. I used to handle challenges like the water running off the untouchable duck's back. Now I long for those days and am trying to get that back. Piece by piece. Little by little is better than nothing. And it's been a hard road so far. There has been progress lately and I guess that's why I'm writing this blog post.

This last General Conference had some talks that talked about the problems that come when we hold onto anger, hurt and other prideful feelings. I've heard these different talks just this last week or two so they stuck out. Elder Scott talked about how anger, hurt and defensiveness gets in the way of receiving revelation. President Uchtdorf, in his now-famous "Stop it" talk taught me the following. I'll quote the paragraphs that mean the most to me. I'd like to paste his whole talk in here. It's that good.

Jesus taught: “Forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not … [stands] condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin”³ and “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”⁴

Of course, these words seem perfectly reasonable—when applied to someone else. We can so clearly and easily see the harmful results that come when others judge and hold grudges. And we certainly don’t like it when people judge us.

But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

Man. This describes me all too well. I have to admit to myself that when my kids are being kids (not making bad choices, I mean just being their learning selves) that my bad reaction does not have to enter the equation. The situation would be better off if I could just chill. I'd also be better off for the time I'd gain back where I, instead, have to cool off.

He said, “… of you it is required to forgive all men.”⁷

May I add a footnote here? When the Lord requires that we forgive all men, that includes forgiving ourselves. Sometimes, of all the people in the world, the one who is the hardest to forgive—as well as perhaps the one who is most in need of our forgiveness—is the person looking back at us in the mirror.

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

So I have some major renovation to do and I've already begun. It's hard. I believe that Jesus the Christ has paid for my sins and felt all the pain that I will ever suffer. He is willing to take that upon Himself because he loves me and He loves you. "Come unto me" comes with a beautiful reward of peace and happiness. Guess what I just realized? It also comes at a price. What price? "I will show unto [you your] weakness" (Ether 12:27). And while I am struggling now, I know from experience that the peace that will come into my life and permeate my heart in the end (and yes, at certain points along the way) will be much higher peaks than the valleys of difficulty.

I take great comfort in at least one point of Christ's doctrine. It is that children under the age of accountability  are without sin and are perfect in Him. Skyler isn't even 8 yet so he is, in at least that sense, perfect. As I've watched him make choices I can see that he has the purest intent in everything he does. He is just hard to control. 

Control? Yes, apparently that's what I'm after. And it is I who needs to let go. 

I am applying the two-word sermon of "Stop it" and I already feel the Lord's tender mercies in my life. Outcomes are not what I would choose them to be. I'm frustrated on a daily basis, but avoiding the buildup of stress and anger is reward enough for the hard work. I hope this weakness will become a strength unto me.

Wherever you are

This morning I was reading in Helaman 7:7-9 as part of this week's Sunday school lesson. This is the chapter when Nephi was praying on his tower and the wicked Nephites (Gadianton's robbers) gathered around to hear him pray. Kind of a funny scene in my mind, but it set some awesome events in motion over the next few chapters and lots of people get converted.

Anyway, these verses have an attitude that will bless any person in whatsoever circumstances they find themselves in life. This might be the place they live, the job they have, hard things to deal with, or anything else that's hard to handle.

Nephi was having a hard time with the wickedness that his people had fallen into. In verse 7, Nephi wishes that he had lived centuries before when the Nephites were "easy to be entreated" and "were quick to hearken to the words of the Lord." What a great time that would have been!

However, Nephi is quick to say next that he knows he has been called to live in his own time. This is the part that caught my attention. It reminds me that the Lord has put me here on earth and given me the life that I have. There are some things that I wish I could change about my circumstances. But this verse teaches me that life isn't meant to be a breeze and that I need to learn from the difficult things. In fact, it is actually those hard things that give me cause to remember the gospel, our Savior, repentance and being the best husband and father I can possibly be. At Judgment Day, it won't really matter that my kids grump before school or stay awake past bedtime. I will be judged for my actions and desires.

I love the gospel and the blessings that come to me and my family for living it. Blessed be the name of the Lord. His plan of salvation is so amazing! :)