Friends

I am so grateful for good friends. I've had some really good friends throughout my life and this past month or two has been a time of constant reflection on the good friends that I've made over the past several years.

Angie and I met some of our very bestest friends six years ago. T&L were moving for graduate school just as we were. Another person who would become a great friend gave me their phone number so we could move out to graduate school together. We rented a truck together and drove out in a two-party caravan. One memorable part of the trip was that a tire needed to be replaced on the moving trailer at the truck rental store, even before we pulled off the lot. The other three tires on that thing were replaced in Wyoming (in the middle of nowhere, let me tell you), I think in Nebraska, and the last one in Indiana. Anyway, T&L are our very best friends. It's hard to imagine life without them right now. We have been through the last several years of life together and shared many happy moments with them. If you know them you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when I say they are amazing in every way. If you don't know them, it would take a dissertation (besides the one I'm writing) to explain it all to you. I wish you could know them.

Anyway, we got to our destination safely and were very happy and grateful to arrive. T&L were the first to unload their stuff from the truck. We hadn't closed on our home yet and our stuff was loaded in the truck first. When we got here, there were tons of branch members literally waiting around for us to pull up so they could greet us and help unload. I'd been calling ahead to give our ETA. The last tire repair was so delayed that, from what I remember, our 7pm estimate turned into 10pm or so. And you wouldn't believe me if I told you how many people were there waiting for us. It was awesome.

Well, that was on a Saturday night. We went to church the next day and we were all invited over to a family's home for lunch. They knew we weren't prepared to fix a meal for ourselves. It was the biggest spaghetti meal I can ever remember. It was so nice of them.

The next day we closed on our house and I, somehow, maneuvered the monstrous truck (the wrong way, oops!) up our winding, narrow road and positioned it to be unloaded right at our porch. So many people showed up to help us move. It was awesome.

And then we began our adventure here with a 22-month old and a 3-month old (who was on oxygen at the time). The first week went by in a quick blur with all the orientation meetings I had at school and in my department.

Then, on the next Saturday, we went to help a new family unload their pod. All the same people, it seems, showed up to yet another move. All to help a family they'd never met. And it didn't matter. This was the gospel in action.

Little did I know that the man who stood before me would become my best friend who I'd nickname JP a few years later. We hefted their things up two flights of stairs for a while under that hot sun. I remember the pizza toward the end of the move with a watering mouth. Yum.

If you've been keeping a running total of how many best friends there are in this story, you may be asking, "How can someone have more than one best friend?" When I was a kid, I thought you could only have one best friend. I used to keep track of who that person was. It changed often in my early years. I also kept track of my favorite song, car, color, sword, karate style, scripture, sport, sibling, etc.

I came to realize for myself that my "best" whatever was really a class, a level. It was not a pedestal with just enough space for one person, idea or sound. I have many favorite things now and the list keeps growing with time. Just for music (and you can ask my wife to verify this), I have said, "This is my favorite song" so many times that I now have to say, "It's in my top 100."

I'm just saying there's room in my heart for more than one best friend.

A year went by and then another. We helped people move in and move out. A new family moved in at that point that we became pretty good friends with too. Even though this guy was the newcomer, we became friends over time for lots of different reasons. We talked about all sorts of different stuff from football and business to "alogarithms."

"What?"

"You know, patterns for doing things."

"You mean, 'algorithms'."

"That's what I said."

"No. You said a mix of 'algorithm' and 'logarithm'. They're not the same thing. Please, never say that word again."

We also talked about astronomy and other cool things. I got to know him over four years and am really, really glad I did. He's great. But this reminds me, he never told me about Big Foot. I only heard reference of it from other people. Please, tell me!

Our family has just watched JP and his family move about as far away as one can move and still live in the United States, Mr BF Alogarithm has gone (but not too far) and this week we just said goodbye to T&L. And this is where the tears start to flow.

Goodbye, my friends. Better yet, "See you later."

I love you. We love you.

So, it's Father's Day

After we came home from church and had lunch, we settled down into quiet time at our house. It's a marvelous thing, that quiet time. I mentioned to my wife that I was thinking about my blog and didn't know what I'd write about yet today. "How about Father's Day?"

Oh, ya. It's Father's Day.

Sweet.

That means awesome dinner, presents and extra family love. Ya, baby! Our family tradition is to choose dinner on our special day. Normally I'd go with lasagna, but I slaved over buying and heating one up for Mother's Day so I went with something Mexican. I said I wanted burritos with chicken. Then Angie went to town on the supporting feast. She's so awesome! We'll eat it soon so ask me later how it was.

My wife is so rockin' awesome for many reasons. I'm glad I married her and I'm glad we have an awesome family together. I'm looking around the house at my little kiddies right now and I am so happy to have them in my family. She and I make a great team. We work hard and are on the same page with just about everything. She makes my life worth living. When I get a quiet moment around the house I like to look at her for a minute or two. Sometimes she catches me, sometimes not. I'm so lucky to have her.

On to the rest of what makes today a special day.

One of my kids doesn't have any teeth. I really like that about him. No, seriously. He's sooo cute! I kinda forget that he doesn't have teeth until I see in his mouth. Otherwise I don't think of it. When his first tooth comes in it's going to change him a lot. Or so I think. I'm trying to love him up every day just in case his look changes too much. I think I'll still love him. He's rolling around next to me and I think that's so cute too! His cackle is my favorite sound. His smile is about the best thing there is to look at. I should post a picture so you can see it. Stay tuned.

The next closest child in the room happens to be the next oldest boy, Mr Wes. I love Mr Wes. He's silly in the morning, energetic in the afternoon and unpredictable in the evening. He brought a lot of love with him from the celestial world when he came to join our family. He's great. He's frustrating sometimes, but that's not his problem. From his point of view the only problem is when he can't open his fruit snacks. "Dad, I willy, willy need your help!" He is growing up so fast right now. His speech is improving a ton and so is his vocabulary. He has impressed me with him mobility lately too and climbs the stairs pretty well. He's awesome. And silly. Silly, silly Mr Wes!

My oldest boy (who is now the closest one in the room; no, wait, now he's in the other room) also brings a lot of happiness into my life. According to one of the great sacrament meeting talks today (quoting from a recent General Conference talk), parents learn more from their kids than kids learn from their parents. This has been the case with Skyler. Putting it another way, the Lord has scrubbed my soul and rounded off some of my rough edges with this child. There have been lots of ups and downs with this little fella. The downs drown out all else in life and the ups make me realize how good it is to be a dad and father in a gospel-centered home. He's also naturally talented! I love seeing him pick up new things so quickly.

Now for a surprise Father's Day treat. My younger (and taller, he would have you know) brother sent me some of our childhood family videos on DVD and they arrived yesterday. It had footage of all my family members from my younger brother to my four grandparents. This so cool for Father's Day because I got to see my dad and both grandpas. It had more of one of my grandpas, the one that I knew as quiet. He was pretty jovial in these videos. That was so cool to see. He died when I was about 15 and I don't remember him being very verbal before that. He had a stroke, I think, when I was little so I didn't see the side of him that I watched yesterday on DVD. It was awesome. I love that man.

I got to see my dad in the videos too and it was so cool to see how sweet he was to my siblings and me. I was about 5 in these videos and don't remember much of it from back then. My older siblings are 4 and 6 years older than I am and I'm excited to see what they think after they watch it. Anyway, I called my dad today and talked to him. He is happy to hear how close I am to graduating and finding a job. He's getting on in years. Hopefully we'll be able to visit him soon. The transition from here to my next job could be a good time, but we don't know which direction we're going yet. He really wants to see us. It will be good for my boys too because they don't remember seeing him before. Sounds like we need to head over to One Man Band again. That's where we'd always go eat together. Navajo tacos. Mmm, boy!

Humble pie

Today's Sunday school lesson was awesome. It was Alma 5-7, some of the most awesome chapters for self-reflection and self-analysis in light of gospel living in all scripture. They are powerful. Mega. Giga. Tera. Peta. (I'll stop there with the metric stuff.) It was a big lesson with very inspiring material.

I'll get right to the stuff that hit me the most. And I say this with the realization that I haven't been blogging so much about how stressed out I've been. Yes, I've missed some posts lately (I wrote one out of four weeks this past month). That was part of me realizing how much I am trying to do at once and figuring out what I need to let go of. There are so many cool things I want to do and work on. It's easy to come up with new ideas to work on, especially games to design. But I have to say no to new things plus I need to let go of some old and current things.

I'm still not around to Alma's point in today's lesson. Hold on a second. It's really good.

One friend of mine has taught me that I, on an energetic level, need more space. He describes the stress I hold in my neck as feeling pressured and I know I need to make more room for what really matters. At first that meant I could shuffle around how much time I spent on scripture study and give myself more to family time, but that didn't do it. I started saying no to things on my plate, like game development. It's too much right now with my work load and thinking about jobs.

I started telling myself that I'll not work on some things until after I move and settle in. It has helped. It really has. I'm past the stage of relying on the arm of flesh. There's no way I can keep up the load I put on myself so I thought I had given up my desires and was putting the Lord's will before my own. Until today's lesson.

The root of what's getting me is a twist on some of my favorite scriptures. I counsel with the Lord in all I do. Or I think I do. Maybe I've been asking to not be stressed without giving up the lifestyle that brings it on. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart? Lean not unto thine own understanding? Check, check. Really?

No. I'm fooling myself. I can see through Alma's teachings today that envy and a lack of humility have clouded my judgment (there are many more lessons that can be learned from these chapters). It kinda makes me sorrowful that I have let this happen to me. Where did I go wrong? Little by little it happened. Time for change. Again.

Long story short: I gave up radio and TV in high school because I heard in seminary it would make life better. Cut out the junk and fill the holes with uplifting things. Result? Amazing things happened in every aspect of my life. I was the happiest person I knew.

Not today.

I'm working at getting it back though. Counseling with the Lord must be accompanied by the quiet time to reflect and ponder on what He is trying to tell me. A "Go, go, go" attitude crowds out the Spirit. Perhaps I have turned that into "Go, go, slow down slightly," but really need to be "Go, slow, chill!"

Any unexpected thing to do or think about really puts me over the edge. How can I be operating at safe levels when a child's mess or crying puts me into panic mode? Answer: I actually thought I was doing ok. How? I don't watch TV or listen to the radio, but "Go, go, go" has been just as (or more) detrimental. Still, I've been deceived.

This sorta seems like I'm being really critical of myself. That's not how I mean it to come across. But I want to be honest and acknowledge my position before God. It's humbling, but that's the point. My will plus my arm of flesh will fizzle out. God's power and guidance will take me places I would never be able to see or experience. I know that's true. If bearing my soul helps out someone else then it's all worth it.

Thank you, John, for teaching the lesson today. Thank you, Alma, wherever you are. Maybe you are reading this via some Angel app. Thank you to all the ancient American prophets who wrote their testimonies and speak to me as if from the dust. Thank you good friends who have listened patiently as I spout off my problems. Your advice, wisdom and counsel has been worth more than gold. I hope you get an extra snack time in heaven when ambrosia is served in the afternoon.

My eyes have been opened. My heart has felt a change. It is now up to me to cut out a quarter of what I try to do. It's really slowing me down in the long run. I want to have the constant companionship of the Spirit. I believe that can happen if I slow down. "Go, slow, chill!" And keep praying. Prayer is a friend that I can't give up.

Thanks for following me in this journey. If you've felt similar to how I feel and want to tell me or other readers about it, please feel free. :)

Journals

Do you ever miss writing in your journal? I do. I used to write in it like crazy. When I was young(er) I was in the habit of writing in it every day. There were times where I went without it being daily, but I liked it so much that I always went back to writing in it every night.

I've been in grad school for 6 years now. For the first few years I was pretty good at writing in my journal. I probably wrote a bunch of days every month. But for the last few years I have written just a time or two per month. It's easy to keep track of because I open a new document for each month and I label them by month and year. Lately, more often than not, I have skipped a month, written once in the document, then skipped a month before writing again.

Bummer.

There are lots of things about this stage of my life that I will want to remember so I feel bad for not writing about more of it. There is one redeeming claim on these memories. Besides writing for the intent of posterity reading about my life, I have a habit of writing down a list or snapshot of what's going on in my life. You know me: I try to do too many thing at once. It has been my practice to offload my thoughts onto paper or a list that I title, "What's going on." I do an emotional/brain dump and get it all out. So there is a separate record of what I've been up to.

I've been thinking about getting back into my journal more again. Honestly, it probably would have started already except there really are a lot of things going on right now with graduation and hunting for a job. ("Hunting," ha! Sounds like I'm tracking down an animal. Actually, there are similarities...) I also think of this blog as a sort of journal. I tend to write about what's going on in my life and tie it into gospel principles so it's not a comprehensive look at my life.

Let me tell you about my favorite memories of writing in my journal. In 6th grade, my teacher Mr. Abegg forced us to write in our journals during class. Yes, forced. That's what I thought back then. I still have that journal. The cover is a picture that I drew in pencil about a castle LEGO set that I had back then and I drew a moat around it with a drawbridge. The castle guards are standing around talking about how boring their job is. The lead guard overhears them and he says, "I heard that." I get a kick out of that every time I read it. There are also my favorite entries that I look for every time I open that journal. I remember a day at recess playing football with a new student named Joey. We had organized recess football teams and we were on the same team. He was also on my competition soccer team. 6th grade was the only year I play competition and we won 1st place in the league! Woo!

Another fun journal memory is of my grandma. She would pay me for writing in my journal. It sounds too good to be true for a kid, but I am grateful that she did it. Her method of payment was gummy worms. She gave me 1 worm for every 5 lines I wrote. Totally awesome. My dad also got me to write in my journal in much the same way. I felt like he got it from her. Maybe I told him about it and he kept up the good habit.

I love writing in my journal. When I read about my ancestors I feel connected to them through their words. I think the same will happen with my descendants. Who knows! There are some embarrassing things I've written in my journal, but I hope it shows that I'm a normal person with weaknesses. Maybe it will help someone out.